im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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