you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
