Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
