i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
