just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
