u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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