i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
