Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
BRING THE BAGELS
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
