Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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