Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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