You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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