how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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