How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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