We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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