i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so let's talk penis.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
