Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
