Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
