I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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