well I can't set my house on fire every night
and you said cock pushups were impossible
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This is my gift to your gina
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
