If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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