i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
