He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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