I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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