Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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