our cab driver is having phone sex.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She tied me up with her honor cords...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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