Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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