There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
