Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
why do cheetos always look like penises
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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