did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
