so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize