She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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