is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
