You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
