She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize