As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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