just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
