Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
