Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
