I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
