why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
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Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
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drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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