On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
