I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
