somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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