theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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