If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
