I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
