It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
