yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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