can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
