This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
