remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Randomize
