Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
