so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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