end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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