I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
