I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
