Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
