Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
