Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
