Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
