she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize