I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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