yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
