Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i think i just lost a toe
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
