Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.

Fav 14 4555 922
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(609): View more from New Jersey

i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.

Fav 18 2697 1117
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(248): View more from Michigan

What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.

(810): View more from Michigan

I think you know the answer.

(248): View more from Michigan

How can I marinade myself in Vodka?

Fav 12 4149 1005
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(845): View more from New York

I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing

Fav 24 5672 1620
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(631): View more from New York

Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.

Fav 2 1557 787
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?

Fav 49 1231 5966
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(828): View more from North Carolina

I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.

Fav 8 2258 970
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(513): View more from Ohio

he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.

Fav 2 558 485
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.

Fav 0 314 134
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