I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Ladies don't puke and tell
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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