Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
