You're so nebulous sometimes
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
