you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
