Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Randomize
