my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
