I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
