suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
