did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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