my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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