there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm getting married
To pizza
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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